Ah, the Halloween season is upon us. Great time to get the new site up and running. This first post in a glorious line of epic posts to come is about a Halloween necessity — a fucking COSTUME. In particular, really bad costumes.  I always enjoyed coming up with my own costume ideas as a kid, I didn’t have a very big budget so I might get a mask or a make-up kit and I had to do the rest on my own, that was part of the fun.

This is going to be a look at some costumes that are not fun, they’re the opposite of fun. Sheet ghost over there is just to get it out of the way, we know it’s the weakest costume possible. Aside from smearing dirt on yourself and saying you’re a “bum”, sheet ghost is the bottom rung. How shitty is it? Well, it’s in the name if you say it in a bad spanish accent.

Enough with the bullsheet, let’s go!

I see you clicked the link, good for you. Now before we get into the terribleness, let’s get a few things out of the way. I’m Trampus and this is where I’ll be posting random stupid shit periodically from now on. You don’t need to know anything else, on with the show. Damn, I made that picture too long. Oh well, we’ll learn from our mistakes.

God damned word press just deleted almost 100 words, what a piece of shit. Anyways, super hero costumes are gay. The reason it’s all kids above is because only kids should go as a comic book character, with the exception being if you make your own badass costume. I only went as a hero once, it was a homemade Batman costume that wasn’t perfect but it worked fine. What’s with these ones anyways? Why do they have the kids looking all buff? How long do you have to shoot your kid up with HGH before they fill the costume out properly? These are the questions we need to know damnit. Onto the next!

No, this isn’t some fantasy image you weirdo pervert. TV show characters are kind of the girl equivalent of super heroes, obviously everyone’s favorite singing state is the most popular. Sorry girls, you both get the fail stamp for looking nothing like Miley. It just looks like a weird outfit.

A close second is the “I look good for my age”  club whore costume to the right. Wait, that’s supposed to be a High School Musical character. Well, considering the hi-jinks those kids get into off-screen, I’m probably not far off 20 years from now. Way too slutty to let your daughter go around in begging for candy, all 3 are really. Why are all little girl costumes so slutty? This gets a fail stamp to go with the temporary tramp stamp it undoubtedly comes with. Next up, everyone’s favorite.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT, NINJAS! Yes, ninja’s might be cool in movies and shit but as a costume idea they suck. It’s usually nothing more than a black outfit and a black mask that looks kind of ninja like. When it’s a kid most parents won’t go out on a limb and buy an actual costume, just whatever black clothes you have laying around and a cheap black mask. Way to go sweat pant ninja, or are you track suit ninja? I didn’t know Puma made ninja gear. And what’s with the dork in the turtle costume? These should not be made in adult sizes. Also include pirates and other “cool” things in this category. They’re not cool, sorry.

HAHAHAHA! I love outdated celebrity references and quirky costumes! Oh, no I don’t. Neither do you I hope. Not a whole lot to say about these types of costumes, they’re bad. People buy them to show that they have a sense of humor and that they’re fun. They think these will make people like them, it’s a cry for attention. I say indulge them, if you see someone in one of these follow this protocol; Walk up and say hello in a friendly manner, tell them their costume fucking blows and pummel them for no less than 35 seconds and no more than 3 minutes. They’ll get plenty of attention! Don’t think we’s done, not by a long shot. I’ve saved the best for last!

Yes, it is gay. I can’t even remember how many kids I would see at school and trick or treating in make-up, wigs, fake tits, dresses and heels. My god. I always looked down on those kids, just ain’t right. Now I’m no homophobe or anything, queers don’t scare me at all. I just think its weird for a man or boy to want to dress like a woman for fun, just weird. Grown men who do it have their own problems, but parents who let boys do it think that it’s “cute”. Won’t be so cute when he’s a 30 year old bachelor with a roommate.  Eh, maybe I’m too old fashioned. Maybe it’s perfectly fine for a straight male to want to dress up like a slutty broad for a night. Eh? Nah, that doesn’t sound right to me either.

So, in conclusion, what have you learned? I’ll tell you what you’ve learned, not a god damned thing. It’s ok, you’re not supposed to be learning here. What’s this look like? Wikipedia? I just felt like doing a nice little piece about some things I don’t like. I always enjoy bitching about anything and everything, and if you enjoy bitching then stick around. I can find much more to bitch about. Now, what are some stupid costumes you hate? What are some you like? Got any interesting costume stories? Wanna go half on a case of Rolling Rock and talk about it? Mmm, beer.That sounds pretty good right now, doesn’t it? Well, discuss.

Just in case you’re wondering what I’m going to be for Halloween, the answer is: Drunk.

Goodnight Seattle I love you!

(not really)